attack of the babbling acrobats (3rd draft)

(for all the fringe artists out there feeling a little beat-up)

acrobats
damn those goofy fools
and their rubber bones
who drag their wild weather
wherever they go 
so ferociously flexible
so transcendental  
        so rude

acrobts are the leading cause of jungle gyms, 
       giggle-ism and restless leg syndrome 

acrobats are like sugary snacks, they’ll ruin your dinner 
       evil playmates who eat birthday cake 
       all year long

worst of all, acrobats will steal your tv, so easily
and so completely, you won’t remember owning one

all acrobats wear bullet-proof jackets, just in case in snows 
all acrobats wear ugly hats, except those who don’t

acrobats like to feed baby ducks on the grave site of 
dee dee ramone, king of acrobats

acrobats make and trade the most horrible things:
        chinese finger traps 
        left-handed puddle shovels 
egyptian ice cream forks 
        poetry and totem poles   
and worst of all, nun flavored gum 

all acrobats have loose screws, which makes them rattle 
        like spare change in the dryer 
        some call it music, some call it inspired 
songs that sound like lunatic finger-strumming rubberband lips  

nobody like lunatic acrobat music, except those who do	

	and worst of all
we need to build a wall, to keep them contained 
        some kind of acrobat habitat 

but what is it exactly 
that makes them so dangerous to cardboard cutout society?
too quick with a joke? too fast on their feet? too many tricycles on flimsy highwires? 
dancing on beach balls? running around thinking their own thoughts?

        damn them! damn them all to kansas! 

and how do we defeat them?
some call an exterminator
some scrape away the bad brainwaves with a hot coat hanger
some bang their heads on church bells
some cuss out the waiter and leave one percent tips
        some get their yawn on and try to forget 
some bury their heads in suburban homesteads and wallow in comfortable sorrow
        but not me
i’ve got acrobats in my attic
and couldn’t be happier 


 

red truck in bookstore (3rd draft)

the artist calls it 
        “red truck in bookstore”
like 
        still-life
like 
        “white flowers in vase by window”
or
        “pond with clouds over mountain”
like that 
but different

inspired by true events
when a small red truck had angry sex
with a neighborhood bookstore
soon after, people gathered to gawk
just Looky-loos  
but some of them were painters
and some of them got excited for this rare opportunity to paint 
        “red truck in bookstore”
and set up their easels  

and look here, the artist was clever
under the right front wheel
a children’s book with a cartoon red truck on the cover

sadly, some don’t have what it takes
some can’t look directly at 
        “red truck in bookstore”
they look away, instead they paint 
        “old honda with flat tire”
or
        “broken bottle in gutter”
or
        “stray dog pissing on dumpster” 
stuff like that

as for method and technique, it was a fortunate disaster 
imagine the exact moment the art happened
drunk teenagers texting in red truck spinning out 
over median crashing into bookstore 
imagine painting that happy moment! 

imagine the glory, imagine all the art critics wetting their pant!
imagine the headlines:
last night, two red trucks crashed headfirst into each other inside 
the capital hill bookstore on colfax and grant 
one real as red steel, the other a fairytale 
witnesses claim “art imitates life”
no fatalities reported, rescue crews and 
art school students working around the clock 

personally, i like
        “red truck in bookstore”
its brave, its original, its both urban and quaint all squished together 
its colorful, if you like endless layers of red truck
yes indeed, i like
        “red truck in bookstore”
just not on my block
 

red truck in bookstore

caligula’s razor (a crash test dummy love story)

this poem turned out way better then i thought it would, when i get some instruments, i’m definitely doing this as a spoken word song. 

here’s my head shot
                here’s my bio
here’s a list of all the parts i play
these are the monsters i’ve slayed 
this is what the hero likes to eat for lunch 
don’t make him wait
is this a mystery? is this primetime crime?
where do i park my new sports car?
hey you, go put some wax on my new car
and my ass is ready for a close-up
with your lips

it’s a song you sing with your hips:
        if some is good then more is better!
        if some is good then more is better!
(dance around on caligula’s razor)
        if some is good then more is better!
        if some is good then more is better!
(i forgot the plot, tell me again)
        it’s a crash test dummy love story!

yeah buddy 

here’s my head shot
                here’s my bio
here’s the address you can send my fan mail
is this the script? someone rewrite it
with words i can swallow
till then, i’ll be in my trailer 
is this a mystery? is this primetime crime? 
someone tell the director his vision is weak
and get another close-up of my teeth
i’m the king of make-believe
and you can kiss my ring 

and the groupies gather and sing:
        if some is good then more is better!
        if some is good then more is better!
(dance around on caligula’s razor)
        if some is good then more is better!
        if some is good then more is better!
(look at that, i just won another oscar)
        it’s a crash test dummy love story!

but really i’m just like you, im lonely like you, i’m a lowlife just like you and
my knees shake and i can’t take a joke and my soul is bankrupt and broke
this life is a beautiful lie i wear like a hat, i wear it in the rain and never get wet
but i’m all dried up inside, i need a friend and, wait, what’s my line again? 

        dance around on caligula’s razor

it’s a crash test dummy love story
                                coming soon

to a wasteland near you, and all the angels sing:
        if some is good then more is better!
        if some is good then more is better!
(here’s my glass slipper, lets drink champagne from it)
        if some is good then more is better!
        if some is good then more is better!
(here’s my autograph, go sell it on craig’s list)
        if some is good then more is better!
        if some is good then more is better!
(and someone get these fucking fans away from me)
        if some is good then more is better!
        if some is good then more is better!
(seriously, i can’t be real today, i’m out of blow)
        if some is good then more is better!
        if some is good then more is better!
(hey, did you hear me? i’m not happy)
        if some is good then more is better!
        if some is good then more is better!
(there’s a dead hooker in the limo, can somebody do something about that?)
        it’s a crash test dummy love story! 
        it’s a crash test dummy love story! 
(it’s a crash test dummy love story!) 

2021

 

posted for the sunday muse