how to fly an airplane into the side of a mountain (dalliance of the dumbfucks) final draft… i think

step one: do nothing
as the flight attendants take their break in the baggage hold playing dice games 
the pilot performs stand-up in first class as the last green olive on earth swims
                                                             in his
                                                             very dry
                                                                  mar
                                                                  tin
                                                                     i 
the inflight meal was a can of worms
the inflight movie was a documentary on the opiate effects of inflight movies
meanwhile
the strike-ready snake will not hesitate
the headlights of the tracker-trailer will not blink
political pundits scream theater in a crowded fire
and all the hamsters trade their hamster wheels for happy meals 
meanwhile
corporate risk managers travelling to the annual security convention 
block the emergency doors wearing parachutes half-eaten from last year’s plague 
							of desert locust   
not to worry though, these miracles of modern flight are quite safe
like high school lunchroom vending machines with rocket wings
peanuts and soft drinks available, and when we reach cursing speed passages are free 
to play hockey throughout the cabin				
meanwhile
all the doctor’s doctor their doctrines of the dying patient’s last rite to righteousness 
	(righteousness (noun) ((?)) a highly volatile substance manufactured in the mind
 dirty burning no alternative fuel always blowing up in someone’s face)

meanwhile 
a mountain looms 
big
purple
majestic 
with big purple arms open wide beckoning: 
come to daddy!
come to gravity! drop your f bombs over denver and set your engines on fire
hurry home, my fat purple plum, come back to earth 
this big dumb rock, this star-dust recycler, big blue fish tank 
and if you believe this marble is your mother, then you must know 
she is scolding you: if you can’t solve your problems yourself, then i will
							solve them 
                                                                 for you
which is great news for the cockroach who dreams of opposable thumbs

step two: as we make our final approach 
please note the “woot-woot” sign has been turned on

and i will be posting new poems very soon. sorry, i had to take the summer off from writing, and i mean HAD to =)

Published by

phillip woodruff

i live in colorado, i love poetry and fishing, i've never been to kentucky, i own 5 pairs of shoes, sometimes i drive too fast, i like craft beer, i own 37 fishing poles, i've never been to iceland, sometimes i drive too slow, right now there is a black bird outside my window, i stare at him and he stares at me

8 thoughts on “how to fly an airplane into the side of a mountain (dalliance of the dumbfucks) final draft… i think”

  1. So so much that is amazing in that!! Fantastic, in all meanings of that word. The woot woot null ending is perfect. Among many great lines, have to quote this: “political pundits scream theater in a crowded fire.” Brilliant.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. “all the doctor’s doctor their doctrines” … That line is especially insightful.

    This is my very favorite part:
    “step two: as we make our final approach
    please note the “woot-woot” sign has been turned on”
    🙂

    The part about the tracker trailer stopped me too—the alternative word, the complete switch in ways of life from country and slow going to being followed and watched; and the switch from people taking care of each other, flashing warning lights to help protect each other, to not even giving a flip or worse, wanting people to get hurt or in trouble. These are certainly sad and scary times.

    Like

  3. “political pundits scream theater in a crowded fire” … switching “theater” and “fire” … so brilliant

    I read your poems dozens of times to fully enjoy the toybox—like how you spliced “martini” to squeeze out the sound you wanted, but also the ocean and the olive eye and the one-woman audience, the private show, so to speak. Your pieces are incredibly meaty and intelligent. I appreciate all the time and work you put into these. Captivating.

    Like

  4. Last comment, and then I will depart the plane.

    This reminds me of three movies squished together, perhaps none of which you’ll know, since you don’t watch much: Left Behind, Wall-E, and Crazy-Beautiful.

    Thank you, and goodnight.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I love how you insert the almost-expected word, but it isn’t. Like the pundits screaming theater in a crowded fire, or the cursing altitude. Anyway, look out for that mountain and please stow all logical arguments in the compartment above our heads. 😉

    –Shay

    Liked by 1 person

    1. thanks shay, yes, “cursing speed” started as a typo, i meant to say “cruising”, i was going to fix it, but then i liked how it played with the idea of playing hockey on an airplane (cussing, screaming, fighting and acting like children on airplanes, can’t get any more american then that)

      Liked by 1 person

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